God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.

Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.

Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.

There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.

He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.

When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.

An author's first duty is to let down his country.

To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.

Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.

I'm a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.

Nothing hurts more than the friendly letter that one never got around to writing.

Every cripple has his own way of walking.

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.

If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

I ruined my health drinking to other people's.