I never thought I was funny. I don't THINK funny.

I want to die with my high heels on, still in action.

If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.

There may be a heaven, but if Joan Crawford is there, I'm not going.

If you want a thing done well, get a couple of old broads to do it.

If everybody likes you, you're pretty dull.

Life is the past, the present and the perhaps.

There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

If everyone likes you, you're not doing it right.

I regret the passing of the studio system. I was very appreciative of it because I had no talent.

Television is the quickest form of recognition in the world.

Women's Lib? Oh, I'm afraid it doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts.

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

I am a real ham. I love an audience. I work better with an audience. I am dead, in fact, without one.

People either have comedy or they don't. You can't teach it to them.

Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that's good taste.

Ability is of little account without opportunity.

Love yourself first and the rest of your life will fall into place.

Love yourself first and everything falls into line.