I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

Women and elephants never forget.

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

Writing well is the best revenge.

The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

But I don't give up; I forget why not.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

I hate writing, I love having written.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.