Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

But I don't give up; I forget why not.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

I hate writing, I love having written.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

The first thing I do in the morning is brushing my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.