You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

I hate writing, I love having written.

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

The first thing I do in the morning is brushing my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

You do not truly own anything that you can't carry in both arms at a dead run

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.