I gave up trying to understand people long ago. Now I let them try to understand me!

Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.

Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.

There's no sense in doing a lot of barking if you don't really have anything to say.

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.

In the Book of Life, The answers aren't in the back.

Years are like candy bars... We're paying more, but they're getting shorter.

Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

There is a no heavier burden than an unfulfilled potential.

The best theology is probably no theology; just love one another.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you.

Only in math can you buy sixty cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you.

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

In life, it's not where you go, it's who you travel with.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.

Be yourself. No one can say you're doing it wrong.