I enjoy irritating the people who enjoy being irritated.

To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life.

The essence of the beautiful is unity in variety.

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.

I am the slime oozing out from your TV set. You will obey me while I lead you, and eat the garbage while I feed you.

Let's not be too rough on our ignorance, it's what makes America great.

Don't go to bed with any woman crazier than you are.

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and water, they were passed to get votes.

To me absurdity is the only reality.

A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.

There's a big difference between kneeling and bending over.

I don't want to see any religious people in public office because they're working for another boss.

Beware of the fish people, they are the true enemy.

Without deviance from normality, there can be no progress.

I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of times I wish I could say I'm not white.

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.