I don't want to see any religious people in public office because they're working for another boss.

Let's not be too rough on our ignorance, it's what makes America great.

Don't go to bed with any woman crazier than you are.

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and water, they were passed to get votes.

To me absurdity is the only reality.

I enjoy irritating the people who enjoy being irritated.

A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.

There's a big difference between kneeling and bending over.

Beware of the fish people, they are the true enemy.

Without deviance from normality, there can be no progress.

I'm not black, but there's a whole lot of times I wish I could say I'm not white.

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

You know, people are basically shitty. It's when they prove it over and over again that it gets obnoxious.

It's better to have something to remember than anything to regret.

The last election just laid the foundation of the next 500 years of the Dark Ages.

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.