There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

Belief like any other moving body follows the path of least resistance.

Our minds want clothes as much as our bodies.

To give pain is the tyranny; to make happy, the true empire of beauty.

Logic is like the sword - those who appeal to it shall perish by it.

Prayers are to men as dolls are to children.

Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule.

You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

Words are like money; there is nothing so useless, unless when in actual use.

I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.

What is faith but a kind of betting or speculation after all? It should be, I bet that my Redeemer liveth.

It is tact that is golden, not silence.

A healthy stomach is nothing if it is not conservative. Few radicals have good digestion.