There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them

Is a hippopotamus or just a really cool Optimus?

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

There isn't much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.