Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

There isn't much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.