The problem with this world is, everyone in it is 3 drinks behind.

I hate funerals. They aren't for the guy who's dead. They're for the guys who are left alive and enjoy mourning.

A hot dog at the game beats roast beef at the Ritz.

Everybody has something to conceal.

The only good reason to have money is this: so that you can tell any SOB in the world to go to hell.

People who don't drink are afraid of revealing themselves.

All you owe the public is a good performance.

Rick: Here's looking at you, kid.

What's at the end of a million dollars? Zero, zero, zero... nothing. A circle with a hole in it.

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.

Such a lot of guns around town and so few brains!

There is more to talking than just words.

Things are never so bad they can't be made worse.

Ain’t nothing a man can’t do if he believes in himself.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left me. I lived a few weeks while you loved me.

There's a familiarity that sometimes shocks and annoys the hell out of me. People want a relationship with you that they haven't earned.

'Catch-22' was a huge failure, and it rubbed off on everybody connected to it. I had a bunch of lean years where I had to do things, a lot of which I wasn't wildly enthusiastic about.

I played guitar. I've always considered myself an actor, but I wasn't making a living as an actor. So I was in a couple of folk groups that managed to keep me in underwear and burritos.