I'm a fatheaded guy, full of pain. It tore me up not having you.

Everyone tells me I've had such an interesting life, but sometimes I think it's been nothing but stomach disturbances and self-concern.

When I'm married I want to be single, and when I'm single I want to be married.

I improve in misquotation.

I can't bear to hear a woman talk baby talk.

The only really good thing about acting in movies is that there's no heavy lifting.

Divorce is a game played by lawyers.

I acted like Cary Grant for so long that I became Cary Grant

If you want to be an actor, my advice is to learn your lines and don't bump into the other actors.

I have no plans to write an autobiography, I will leave that to others. I'm sure they will turn me into a homosexual or a Nazi spy or something else.

It's better to buy one good pair of shoes than four cheap ones.

Dying's tough - but not as tough as comedy.

Ah, beware of snobbery; it is the unwelcome recognition of one's own past failings.

I improve on misquotation.

I suppose you might call me the sophisticated type. I like to act with dialogue. Not with grunts.

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

I may not have married for very sound reasons, but money was the least of them.

My father used to say, 'Let them see you and not the suit. That should be secondary.'

I really am a happy, amusing fellow at heart. Trouble is I seem the only one left.