There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.

You'll catch your death of cold. Clouseau: Yes, yes I probably will but . . . its all part of life's rich pageantry, you kneau.

Conversation like television set on honeymoon... unnecessary.

Is there anybody hiding there in the dark?

I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.

If you ask me to play myself, I will not know what to do. I do not know who or what I am.

Women are more difficult to handle than men. It's their minds.

When you have been killed as many times as I have, you get used to it.

Facts - behind them lies the whole fabric of deductive truth.

François: Do you know what kind of a bomb it was? Clouseau: Yes, the exploding kind.

If I can't really find a way to live with myself, I can't expect anyone else to live with me.

Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this.

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

It won't be easy, that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.

I am here to fix the problem with yer pheaun.

You have to live before you die, or you'll die before you live.

The best revenge is democracy.

Democracy needs support, and the best support for democracy comes from other democracies.