I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards.

I didn't really feel 100 percent comfortable until we started working on the 2004 election.

I get all of my comedy from CNN.

The head writer loves that my character is a boor.

I don't feel rivalry. I'm the least competitive person you'll meet ever, to a fault.

I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid.

I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.

Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.

I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.

I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.

It looks like garbage, my ass. But trust me, you're lucky it's not full-frontal.

I just want to do cool stuff.

I have to stay true to myself.

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.

I want to manufacture a feud.

For most of my life, I was a worrier and an over-thinker. I had pretty bad social anxiety.

Anything that you can do a tiny bit of research about, I'll turn it into an obsession.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.

Anything would deserve a sequel if the right elements are there.