It looks like garbage, my ass. But trust me, you're lucky it's not full-frontal.
I just want to do cool stuff.
I have to stay true to myself.
Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.
I want to manufacture a feud.
For most of my life, I was a worrier and an over-thinker. I had pretty bad social anxiety.
Anything that you can do a tiny bit of research about, I'll turn it into an obsession.
I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.
Anything would deserve a sequel if the right elements are there.
You're encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you'll have more control over what you do.
I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.
Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
Please don't refer to me as "channeling Mark Twain." I'm an actor. Not a channeler. That word is an iPhone shortcut. Acting is more eloquent than that.
Mark Twain cannot be defined.
I don't play golf. Mark Twain is golf to me.
I don't have a director. The audience directs me.
I walked the streets of New York for two years begging for a job, and I couldn't get one.