Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.

I want to manufacture a feud.

For most of my life, I was a worrier and an over-thinker. I had pretty bad social anxiety.

Anything that you can do a tiny bit of research about, I'll turn it into an obsession.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.

Anything would deserve a sequel if the right elements are there.

If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.

You're encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you'll have more control over what you do.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

Please don't refer to me as "channeling Mark Twain." I'm an actor. Not a channeler. That word is an iPhone shortcut. Acting is more eloquent than that.

Mark Twain cannot be defined.

I don't play golf. Mark Twain is golf to me.

I don't have a director. The audience directs me.

I walked the streets of New York for two years begging for a job, and I couldn't get one.

I've had a very full career in the theatre, on stage, in films and on television.

I have a suicide impulse.

There's no good guys and bad guys.