Melancholy is kind of sweet sometimes, I think. It's not a negative thing. It's not a mean thing. It's just something that happens in life, like autumn.

And I don't like to work. I only like working when I'm working.

I don't really read the reviews, but I remember one a long time ago I read that said that I had a face like a potato.

You know...they say an elephant never forgets. What they don't tell you is, you never forget an elephant.

I think if you can take care of yourself, and then maybe try to take care of someone else, that's sort of how you're supposed to live.

This is not a dress rehearsal; this is your life.

You work, you get paid, you drink.

I really don't know what's going to come out of my mouth.

The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything.

Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is this. The present. That's it.

The automatic things you do are basically those things that keep you from doing the better things you need to do.

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

I don't have to take this abuse from you I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!

Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual.

You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.

Life is a game, and it's much more fun if you play it as your own game, so stay light and loose and relaxed.

My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

Grab this day by the neck and kiss it.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.