Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.

Happiness is a moving target.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

There are two kinds of people in the world Ms. Lane: those who survive no matter the cost and those who are walking victims.

Truth hurts. But lies can kill.

Her absence in my life was so painful that it was a presence.