I hate the pollyanna pest who says that all is for the best.

One man's pointlessness is another's barbed satire.

While the work or play is on, it is a lot of fun if while you are doing one you don't constantly feel that you ought to be doing the other.

We deny that it is fun to be saving. It is fun to be prodigal. Go to the butterfly, thou parsimonious sluggard; consider her ways and get wise.

Christmas is over and Business is Business.

Day after day, night after night, my life at home is far from bright, but even home has more variety, than I can find in cafe society.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

Count the day won, when the earth, turning on its axis, imposes no additional taxes

The best bet you get is an even break.

If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.

Drinking is bad taste but tastes good.

An extravagance is something you buy which is no earthly use to your wife.

Accustomed as I am to public speaking, I know the futility of it.

In the order named, these are the hardest to control - wine, women and song.

Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports.

Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.

I am easily influenced. Compared with me a weather vane is Gibraltar.

There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.

Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.