Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

Count the day won, when the earth, turning on its axis, imposes no additional taxes

The best bet you get is an even break.

If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.

I hate the pollyanna pest who says that all is for the best.

Drinking is bad taste but tastes good.

An extravagance is something you buy which is no earthly use to your wife.

Accustomed as I am to public speaking, I know the futility of it.

In the order named, these are the hardest to control - wine, women and song.

Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.

I am easily influenced. Compared with me a weather vane is Gibraltar.

There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.

Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.

The best part of the fiction in many novels is the notice that the characters are purely imaginary.

There are hundreds who can stand failure to one who can stand success; the good loser is far more common than the good winner.

Too much truth is uncouth.

Chaos breeds life, while order breeds success.

To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.