I'll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

The longer I live, the less future there is to worry about.

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.

My social life is much better, since I stopped spending it with other people.

Take Courage! Whatever you decide to do, it will probably be the wrong thing.

Everything takes longer than you expect, even when you expect it to take longer than you expect.

It's human to make mistakes and some of us are more human than others.

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.

If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve

Speak nothing but the truth, and you'll soon be considered dangerous.

If you never try anything new, you'll miss many of the world's great disappointments.

I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy

I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.

One possible reason why things aren't going according to plan is that there never was a plan.

At great expense, we have built a vast system of inter-connecting stupidities.

Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously.