Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously.

I'll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.

If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve

Speak nothing but the truth, and you'll soon be considered dangerous.

If you never try anything new, you'll miss many of the world's great disappointments.

I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy

I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.

One possible reason why things aren't going according to plan is that there never was a plan.

At great expense, we have built a vast system of inter-connecting stupidities.

If you can't go where people are happier, try to make people happier where you are.

Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?

If you can neither accept it or change it, try to laugh at it.

The older you get, the more important it is to not act your age.

If you think communication is all talking, you haven't been listening.

I have no prejudices: all my irrational hatreds are based on solid evidence.

Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to.

All people are different. That's why everybody should be treated the same.

I just don’t want to get hit, that’s all. I want to win without getting hit.