I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.

I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.

David Sedaris

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.

You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.

We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.

We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.

If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.

If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.

Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.

Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read.

All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.

All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments.

But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.

But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.

As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.

Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.

Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.

Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you’ve come to mow its lawns.

Write relentlessly, until you find your voice. Then, use it.

Write relentlessly, until you find your voice. Then, use it.

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

I guess that seeing yourself on a screen is something that you get used to. Let's face it, these days, there's really nothing that you do that doesn't get filmed.

I guess that seeing yourself on a screen is something that you get used to. Let's face it, these days, there's really nothing that you do that doesn't get filmed.

I wouldn't say that we're proactively out there hunting down brands to try to fulfill some piece of a larger battle plan or something. If they have things they want to get to us, we're somewhat easily accessible through our managers and record companies.

I wouldn't say that we're proactively out there hunting down brands to try to fulfill some piece of a larger battle plan or something. If they have things they want to get to us, we're somewhat easily accessible through our managers and record companies.

I would say [Lamar] Kendrick, it`s always fun to see what happens when Kendrick takes the stage. And my two oldest kids are huge fans of him.

I would say [Lamar] Kendrick, it`s always fun to see what happens when Kendrick takes the stage. And my two oldest kids are huge fans of him.