Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

Remember who you are. It's really okay to be who you are.

I think I am naturally attracted to things that are a little bit out of this world.

Any obsession is dangerous.

My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.

I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.

Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.

There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.