My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.

Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.

Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?

Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.

Man is the only animal to borrow tools.

If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.