There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them

If you don't want it bad enough to risk losing it- you don't want it bad enough.

That which makes us DIFFERENT, will make a DIFFERENCE in the world some day. Be Yourself.

How a person wins and loses is much more important than how much a person wins and loses.

If you only do what you know you can do- you never do very much.

Life isn't about living without problems. Life is about solving problems.

Getting what you want is not nearly as important as giving what you have.

Your purpose in life is to use your gifts and talents to help other people. Your journey in life teaches you how to do that.

Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.

The surest way to lose sight of who you are is to constantly compare yourself to others.

I like to think of bread as really bland cake.

Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."

Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'