Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like,

Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."

Author: Jim Gaffigan

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Tom Krause Quotes - The surest way to lose sight of who you are is to constantly compare yourself to others.

The surest way to lose sight of who you are is to constantly compare yourself to others.

Author: Tom Krause

Tom Krause Quotes - There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them

There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them

Author: Tom Krause

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - I like to think of bread as really bland cake.

I like to think of bread as really bland cake.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like

It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

Author: Jim Gaffigan

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