Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA! - Jim Gaffigan quotes

Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!

Author: Jim Gaffigan

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Jim Gaffigan Quotes - Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like

It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

Author: Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes - When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

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