When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause. - Jim Gaffigan quotes

When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

Author: Jim Gaffigan

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Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!

Once you put bacon into a salad it's no longer a salad, it just becomes a game of find the bacon in the lettuce. It's like you're panning for gold, hmmmmm, EUREKA!

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate being alone.

Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate being alone.

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