The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.

If there's one thing you can say about mankind, there's nothing kind about man.

Come down off the cross, we could use the wood.

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

If I exorcise my devils, all my angels may go, too.

Sing me a rainbow. Steal me a dream.

I always thought songs are movies for the ears and films are like songs for the eyes.

Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk.

The way you do anything is the way you do everything.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering.

If you get far enough away you'll be on your way back home.

I like my music with the rinds and the seeds and pulp left in.

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

I started out with nothing and I still got most of it left.