I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. - Emo Philips quotes

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Author: Emo Philips

See all Emo Philips Quotes

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.

Not everybody hates me. Only the people who've met me.

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.

The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

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