Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs? - Emo Philips quotes

Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

Author: Emo Philips

See all Emo Philips Quotes

I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.

I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

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