When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them. - Emo Philips quotes

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

Author: Emo Philips

See all Emo Philips Quotes

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

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