I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like. - Emo Philips quotes

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

Author: Emo Philips

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Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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