So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon. - Emo Philips quotes

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Author: Emo Philips

See all Emo Philips Quotes

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Avoid tweeting any photos of your private parts.

Avoid tweeting any photos of your private parts.

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