A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips quotes

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Author: Emo Philips

See all Emo Philips Quotes

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Avoid tweeting any photos of your private parts.

Avoid tweeting any photos of your private parts.

Sex is pretty funny, let's face it. And the more seriously we take ourselves, the funnier sex gets, I think.

Sex is pretty funny, let's face it. And the more seriously we take ourselves, the funnier sex gets, I think.

One thing they don't tell you about growing old - you don't feel old, you just feel like yourself. And it's true. I don't feel eighty-nine years old. I simply am eighty-nine years old.

One thing they don't tell you about growing old - you don't feel old, you just feel like yourself. And it's true. I don't feel eighty-nine years old. I simply am eighty-nine years old.

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