Every year I swear I’m getting more beautiful, awesome, adorable, and lovely to be around- congrats on another year and happy birthday to you. Love, me.

To be another year wiser, braver, and better must really be something! Maybe next year!

Turning a year older has made me wonder about certain things, like how much longer can I get away with telling people that I am twenty-five?

On my birthday, I am going to be my own best friend: eat too much cake, give bad advice, and party until dawn!

On my birthday, one is the loneliest number! That is why there is cake and ice cream and alcohol…

Today is my birthday! My fifth 30th birthday, to be exact!

I swear you guys, 30 has never looked so good! Of course, now that I’m in it. Happy birthday to me and you are welcome to all you fellow 30-year-olds. This year is going to rock.

Yay for me! I finally have an excuse to wear as much glitter as I want. It’s my birthday!

If it were up to me I’d spend today binge watching Netflix and eating crappy cake. Since today is my birthday I guess that’s exactly what I’m going to do! Happy birthday to me on the best day ever!

Dear self, stay calm and know that fun is on the way… um, actually, you forgot to order the cake and invite all the people, so it may be a while. Anyway,

To everyone who ever wanted to spank me, now is your chance! It’s my birthday! P.S. Mom, that does not include you.

I’ve always wanted an excuse to eat tons of food, dress up, play around the house all day, do whatever I wanted for just one day. Now I can because today is my birthday! Yeah me.

Thank God another has passed with me in this world- I’m so awesome it’s a real blessing to everyone in my life to have me here.

It’s pretty bad when the fire department has to be called before you blow out the candles on you cake. Now I really know I’m old!

It’s my party! I can cry if I want to! Cry if I want to! You would cry too if you… were this old, too!

I had a fabulous birthday! I love getting older. I just hope when I get to be Betty White’s age I can look half as good as she does!

I plan on having an amazing, awesome, super, fantastic year full of many new adventures and crazy travels! My birthday means I’m another year older and another year wiser! You better watch out!