Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Humility isn’t denying your strengths; it’s being honest about your weaknesses.

Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance.

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

There is one word that describes people that don't like me: Irrelevant.

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing.

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Humor is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them.

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival.

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.