Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.

We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

New Year's Resolution: Casual promises that I am under no legal obligation to fulfill.

An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.

Sorry for the mean, awful, and accurate things I said.

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

Keep rolling your eyes, you might just find a brain back there

Please be patient, I am ruining things as fast as I can.

I am not young enough to know everything.

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

I went to the general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.