Please be patient, I am ruining things as fast as I can.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

New Year's Resolution: Casual promises that I am under no legal obligation to fulfill.

An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.

Sorry for the mean, awful, and accurate things I said.

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

Keep rolling your eyes, you might just find a brain back there

I am not young enough to know everything.

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

I went to the general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.

Please cancel my subscription to your resurrection.

The bigger your family, the bigger your problems.

Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.