Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the young, and runs out for the aged.

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

He who laughs.....lasts.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Cats invented self-esteem.

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your children.

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Success is outliving your failures

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shovelling while it's still snowing.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.