Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Cats invented self-esteem.

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your children.

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Success is outliving your failures

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shovelling while it's still snowing.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

Trust dreams. Trust your heart, and trust your story.

The real world has no obligation to be convincing, so it throws up some very weird moments sometimes.

It has been said that civilization is twenty-four hours and two meals away from barbarism.

That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.

I lived in books more than I lived anywhere else.

I'm somebody who considers happiness a journey, not a destination.