I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible. - Mitch Hedberg quotes

I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

See all Mitch Hedberg Quotes

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

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