Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Don't dream your life, but live your dream

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit.

Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.