Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.

The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.

An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it.

Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.

Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.

Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started

There is no security in life, only opportunity.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Some people give their problems swimming lessons instead of drowning them.

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.