Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

Musicians are in-season all the time.

It's an artist's duty to reflect the times in which we live.

When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.

What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.

The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

You can't start at the top.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I'm gonna put all my money into taxes. They're sure to go up.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.