Sam Levenson Quotes, Thoughts and images

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.

You don't have to be in "Who's Who" to know what's what.

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.

Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village

Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.

If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

I'm gonna put all my money into taxes. They're sure to go up.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

You can't start at the top.

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.

What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.

When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.