You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

These enthusiasts often like to hang signs that say "Gone Fishin'" or "Gone Huntin'". But what these slogans really mean is "Gone Killing.

Some people say they love animals and yet harm them nonetheless; I'm glad those people don't love me.

We must remain hopeful that a universal ethic of courage, caring, sharing, respect, radical compassion, and love will make a difference even if we do not see the positive results of our efforts... We can never be too generous or too kind.