Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Patience is the art of finding something else to do.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know.

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Budget: a way of going broke methodically

I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.